It's okay, baby, it's just happy tears.

Believe it or not, I don’t like to bring attention to myself and I do, on accident, a lot.

Believe it or not, I don’t like to bring attention to myself and I do, on accident, a lot. For instance, I get the giggles in church all the time. I mean, ALL THE TIME. I should be worshipping or learning, but then I’ll come up with some joke and then laugh at it - on the inside - until I nearly implode. One time, Rob, non-plussed, put his arm around me and buried my head in his shoulder. Everyone around us thought I was bawling, but my shoulders were bobbing up and down because my mind wandered to years ago when Rob fell down the stairs. Except it was oddly slow, almost like a caterpillar slinking down tiny steps. And he just looked down at me while he slinked, helpless. I yelled up at him, “Good God man, stop yourself!” But for reasons he’s never been able to fully explain, he just slithered right down to the last step as if he had no agency over his own body. I laughed until I nearly blacked out.

This past Sunday, though, I didn’t laugh, I cried. I was holding Poppy in my lap, rocking slow. She usually likes to crawl into it and press up close during worship. She laid her head on my chest and my mind meandered to when I used to sit on my mom’s lap, the very same way. I’d listen to her voice through her chest and it sounded like she was speaking in a room far away, muffled, low.

As I sang and rocked, I glanced over at two women who attend church often. They’re both deaf, and a woman sits in front of them and signs. During worship, they sign along with her. It has intention and passion, far more than the audible words I sing while I’m wondering if I took the roast out of the freezer. And that day, out of nowhere, I burst into tears. Poppy picked her head up, tilted, concerned and curious. “It’s okay baby, it’s just happy tears,” I said, sliding my hand across my nose. Rob, standing, looked down and gave me the, “What’s happening?” eyes and all I could do was wave him off. It’s fine, I’m fine. Everyone stop looking at me so I can try and wrangle this in!

Watching these women sign during worship has made me emotional before, but never this intensely. As I rocked Poppy and sang gently, I wondered why.

And while I don’t know for sure, I think it’s because what I witnessed was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. The rapidly moving fingers, with slow, swooping motions. The way they moved, together. No sound, just feeling. Emotion, powerful. Good.

I could feel it, two pews back. And it overwhelmed me.

We’re drawn to those who endure, the underdog who rises victorious. Those who suffer, then triumph. I suppose it’s because suffering is a universal human condition. And we need hope. Because when it’s our turn to suffer, and we all do, we need someone to show us joy can still be had. We fall, but we can rise. We may lack, but oh what we can gain! Joy is sweet, but so much sweeter when consumed after heartache. Beauty, I find, most striking when worn by someone who has persevered and has a story they’d like to share with me.

Some might say losing one of our most important senses is a devastating condition. But as flawed as we are, we’ve found a way to communicate and express ourselves, anyway. A special language. One you witness, and feel. One that moves and glides, rapid then slow. One that drops the fluff and gets right to the heart of what we’re trying to say.

And it’s beautiful.

When the song ended, both women shouted “Amen!” They’d never done that before. It was obvious they couldn’t hear their own voices, but we did. And I felt it, like a burst of wind that trickles up my arms into goosebumps.

Then I burst into tears, again.

No matter what happens, I'll be okay.

Amen.

Have we met? I’m Anna Lind Thomas, a humor writer out of Omaha, Nebraska. I’m listed as one of USA Today’s top ten funniest women writers, and author of the best selling book We’ll Laugh About This (Someday) and I’m Not Ready for This. Once you read them, text me (number’s in the back and I respond!) Say hi on Facebook and Instagram.